Sunday 20 November 2011

The Allardyce Way - Teaching the world how to play.


Dear God, how desperate are the Doctor Evil apologists? Over on the Org there is a thread running eulogising Allardyce, and the consensus is that Allardyce is doing a fantastic job, not because the team is playing well, but because the team is playing badly!

The logic is so perverse it requires quoting or else I will not do it justice. Apparently Nolan is a brilliant captain because we are "winning games that we deserve to lose". Apparently it is "a mark of a good side when they "play poor or scrappy football and still walk away with a win". Apparently our victory over Brighton was a "beautiful game with some stunning defending and absolute spot on tactics". Apparently we should build and worship at the altar of Doctor Evil because we "grind out results". Apparently we should "Get some perspective and start the merry making because this truly is the best time in a very long time to be a West Ham supporter". And apparently, anybody who doesn't concur with all this is a "simpleton".

And what is the justification for this eulogy? We are second in a very poor division, five points behind Southampton who were two divisions below us last season; and yesterday we got lucky and ground out a 2-1 victory against the team who are joint bottom of the table! In fact, we ground out a 1-0 win away to bottom team Doncaster, a 2-1 win away to second to bottom Coventry and a 0-0 draw at home to third from bottom Bristol City. Brilliant!

Read the Allardyce apologists and you would think we were better than Barcelona! They are a rubbish team because they look brilliant and win; we're better because we look shit every time we play but win regardless. That's what fans pay to see apparently. They don't want beautiful football. They don't want to see exhilarating football. They don't want breathless, attacking football. Why would they want that for God's sake? No, fans pay to see dour, boring, oppressive, utilitarian football. Aesthetics? To hell with aesthetics. Or to Southampton with aesthetics at least!

So this is the best of times is it? Well Dickens coined "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" and that sums it up for me. Of course I was delighted with the three points yesterday but the performance was, yet again, dreadful. I am appalled that West Ham fans, in their desperation, are setting the bar so low and allowing Allardyce to subvert the values of the club so absolutely whilst getting so very little in return.

We are in the Championship, not the Premiership. We are playing the likes of Bristol City and Doncaster, not Chelsea and Manchester City. We have a squad that should be taking this division by storm. But we are scratching victories and playing like Bolton Wanderers in their darkest days. Look at our goals yesterday! Route one and lucky! And don't give me the line about this being a difficult division. Tell that to Southampton!

Our first half performance yesterday was a disgrace. Why? Wrong personnel and wrong tactics. And who is to blame for that? Allardyce. The luck nearly ran out yesterday just as it ran out at home to Bristol City. Keep playing badly and you will end up getting what you deserve. It is true that great teams get points when playing badly, but great teams dominate seven games out of ten and grind out results in the other three. We are grinding through the gears in every single game!

How I feel sorry for the fans of Barcelona. Sullivan and Gold should target the Catalan demographic with a marketing slogan of "Why have caviar when you can swallow shit instead?"

17 comments:

Howyoodoin said...

Yep, agree with everything you say HF. I think we have a rude awakening coming to us unless we start to improve soon. Whilst we could point to injury problems, the replacements coming in should be more than good enough for this league. Our bizarre loan arrangements, Montano to Dagenham and Nouble to Gillingham for example, continue to impress and both were on the scoresheet again yesterday. Could do with some of that desire at the moment!
Can't we loan Piq out instead and recall them?

HYD

the headmaster said...

I do think a fundamental weakness of this blog is the author's failure to nail his colours to the mast, really let his audience know what he is thinking.
Enough of this lilly-livered conciliatory twaddle - grow a pair and say what you mean, man, in the name of God!

Hammersfan said...

LOL Headmaster.

B4V4R14N_H4MM3R said...

We're simply out of creative midfield players. Nolan's uninspirational performances play a huge role in this since he is expected to lead the team as a captain and show some initiative. I bet he is all but satisfied with his personal displays either.

The second problem is the lack of quality on our wings. Matty Taylor seems to be still injured which is really worrying. Collison was a hell of a midfield player in the 08/09 campaign under Zola but he struggled a lot with injuries in the past and couldn't step up to his best so far. Noble is still a solid player with great abilities but apart from a few brilliant efforts his own performance depends hugely on the other teammates'. All in all I'd say Julien Faubert was our most creative midfield player and best winger in recent games.

Carew couldn't convince since the Leicester game and in the end it was all down to Coley to save the day.

Contrary to last season our main problem is not the team's defensive dispay, it's the inability to create good chances and take them.

Anonymous said...

The first half performanace can only be described as Abysmal. Against a very poor side we were second best. For the first time in my 40 years watching the Irons I actually felt like skipping the 2nd half and going home. We were missing out midfield, Allardyce-style, to hoof long balls to Carew who was making no impression whatsoever. Watching Carew failing to catch up with any ball not played straight to him was hilarious. Actually I felt sorry for him in the end. When Cole came on it was like Pele had descended into a Conference game. He was on another level from any other player on the pitch. Why didn't he start? Then we could have had, maybe, a comfortable win, and avoided 45 mins of total depression. A poor performance was rescued by two flukey goals. Cole's shot was going wide until the defender got a touch on it, and Piquionne's goal was as jammy as you'll ever see. Noble was decent, Nolan was invisible yet again, and Tomkins and Faye were both solid. Highlight of the match was a Beckenbauer moment in the 2nd half from Faye - one for Soccer AM's 'Showboat'. We need a new manager, but I don't imagine we'll get one.

Sav said...

When you are right you right. Very well put HF. Totally agree with you.

Some of us chose to support West Ham, not because it was our local club, but rather because through the years, despite not winning many trophies, always played attractive attacking football. I am happy about our league position but I can't recognise the team that is currently playing wearing the West Ham shirts.

Anonymous said...

This org sounds like my kind of place.... where do I find them?

tommy said...

Exactly, and when you challenge them on it they throw a massive strop! "You don't go to games, so what do you know?!" Well who would want to go and spend money to watch us right now?!

Hammersfan said...

LOL Tommy, don't let them get to you! Copy and paste this article as a poke in the collective Happy Clappers' eye!

tommy said...

Come back and help us out, I'm amazed how some people are prepared to go against everything our club stands for if it means an ugly 3 points against Coventry! And then, just to wind us up, Allardyce goes and calls himself a "master tactition!" If he's such a master tactition, wouldn't he realise that our u16 team would go out and beat Coventry, so set our team out to go and attack!

Hammersfan said...

No mate, I'll leave the Org to such wits and raconteurs as Wrighty. Even del is pontificating less often whilst davefking and OSP seem to have all but given up on the site, like Fareham. Shame.

tommy said...

Actually Wrighty is one of the few that can't stand Allardyce or his football.

Hammersfan said...

I don't care, he is a pompous twat and a deeply boring contributor.

Anonymous said...

I think that Allardyce has sussed out early on that there are at best 3 or 4 decent players in the squad, and that the others are, by and large, mediocrities, or has-beens. If we do get promoted, we will be straight back down again with this lot. Our better players - Tomkins, Green, Cole - will be off. Faubert will reverts to his old ways, even though he's been good this season. Baldock may improve - I hope so, but maybe the Championship is his high point. The older ones wont be able to cut it in the prem, so goodbye Faye, Nolan, Diop, Carew, McCartney. Lastly, the younger players out on loan may improve , but it's a big ask to expect any of them to perform - IF we get promoted. As for the rest - the permanently overrated Sears & Noble for example they haven't done it so far, and the best they can hope for is to continue their 'careers' in the Championship or lower.

Anonymous said...

"..a pompous twat" who cannot keep a job. It's only a short time after landing any of his most recent positions that they 'find him out' and move him on.

Contrary to what he would have you believe, he is lightweight in the extreme.

Deane said...

Don't know how I missed this article before because it's a first class bit of journalism I'll be nominating you for the pulitzer

Hammersfan said...

LOL cheers Deane, News Now missed it sadly so didn't get the usual exposure.