Welcome to Boleyn Mansions Residential Home for the Elderly and Infirm! No sooner has he signed than the Rat is talking of ending his career at West Ham!
Speaking from deep inside a cosy armchair, Rat expressed disappointment about the views from the Green Street ground -it's about as green as Bucharest he moaned - but was enthusiastic about the possibility of trips into Essex, Suffolk and Kent.
Sipping on his hot chocolate and nibbling on a Hob Nob the Romanian smiled broadly when explaining how compatriot Florin Răducioiu had told him of the joys of shopping in Harrods on a Saturday afternoon and also that the club do not expect much in return for huge wages.
With the Rat having already arrived and laid claim to an arm chair close to a radiator, Ambrossini is scheduled to be next through the door, just as soon as the club have purchased him a top of the range mobility scooter.
Thursday, 23 May 2013
Wednesday, 22 May 2013
Is Carroll's injury a clever ploy to put off rival bids?
It's all very convenient isn't it? With Newcastle rumoured to be interested in reclaiming their former centre forward and suggestions that his performance against Reading might force up his price, Carroll has suddenly been struck down with an injury that will supposedly keep him out for four months. Who will buy him on that basis? How convenient.
But if the rumours are true, we should be very careful. Carroll is injury prone and, remembering Ashton, we really don't want to splash out big money on a striker carrying an unresolved injury. If we strike a deal with Liverpool, it should be on the basis of only paying when Carroll is fit.
But if the rumours are true, we should be very careful. Carroll is injury prone and, remembering Ashton, we really don't want to splash out big money on a striker carrying an unresolved injury. If we strike a deal with Liverpool, it should be on the basis of only paying when Carroll is fit.
Tuesday, 21 May 2013
Sad Exit For Carlton Cole
OK, he wasn't Carlos Tevez nor Paolo Di Canio, but Carlton Cole always gave 100% for West Ham. At one stage he was linked with an unlikely £12m move to Inter Milan and, of course, he was called up for England - and not many West Ham players have worn the three lions in recent years.
A forward who can't score isn't ideal, but Carlton led the line with courage, commitment and skill. All too often he was left isolated, but he did his best to keep three defenders occupied single handedly, running the channels, dropping deep and chasing down every single over hit lost cause.
Only rarely did he complain and when we were relegated, he took a 50% pay cut and shunned the opportunity to prolong his Premiership career by moving to Stoke City.
His exclusion from the party against Reading was both sad and shameful. Carlton deserved better and should not have been ushered out of the door without the opportunity of a proper farewell. He has worn the Claret and Blue in more than 240 games and scored 59 goals.
His high point was probably the play off final goal against Blackpool, which people forget was just as important as Vaz Te's. But his match winning performance against Chelsea this season will live long in the memory, as will his cracking goals against Wigan and Newcastle under Zola. And, of course there was that Cup thumping of Man Utd when he and Spector shared our four goals between them.
Cole has played under Pardew, Curbishley, Zola, Grant and Allardyce. None of them really fancied him - though Zola loved him - but Carlton outstayed them all except Doctor Evil.
He will be missed, especially by barn doors on Green Street who saw him as their benefactor! Along with them, I would like to thank Carlton for the memories.
A forward who can't score isn't ideal, but Carlton led the line with courage, commitment and skill. All too often he was left isolated, but he did his best to keep three defenders occupied single handedly, running the channels, dropping deep and chasing down every single over hit lost cause.
Only rarely did he complain and when we were relegated, he took a 50% pay cut and shunned the opportunity to prolong his Premiership career by moving to Stoke City.
His exclusion from the party against Reading was both sad and shameful. Carlton deserved better and should not have been ushered out of the door without the opportunity of a proper farewell. He has worn the Claret and Blue in more than 240 games and scored 59 goals.
His high point was probably the play off final goal against Blackpool, which people forget was just as important as Vaz Te's. But his match winning performance against Chelsea this season will live long in the memory, as will his cracking goals against Wigan and Newcastle under Zola. And, of course there was that Cup thumping of Man Utd when he and Spector shared our four goals between them.
Cole has played under Pardew, Curbishley, Zola, Grant and Allardyce. None of them really fancied him - though Zola loved him - but Carlton outstayed them all except Doctor Evil.
He will be missed, especially by barn doors on Green Street who saw him as their benefactor! Along with them, I would like to thank Carlton for the memories.
UKIP's Nigel Farage to protest after West Ham sign Romanian Rat?
It's bad enough that 21.3m Romanians and 7.476m Bulgarians are planning to flood into Britain to claim benefits in January of next year, without the nations' bloody rodents joining them. Nigel Farage, leader of UKIP and the bookmaker's favourite to be Primeminister in two year's time will, no doubt, be outraged by the arrival of a Romanian Rat at West Ham.
A source close to Farage raged: "This is a disgrace and proves what we have been saying all along. Our research shows that every man, woman and child in Romania and Bulgaria have already booked their flights on Wizz, Tarom & Blue Air and will be signing on in a Benefit Office near you by the end of January 2014; and we all know that rats abandon sinking ships."
He continued: "Tell me, what are the disease carrying rodents going to live on when all the humans have left? It doesn't take a genius to work out that they will be following their meal tickets to the UK and living off our benefit system too does it?"
"This Romanian Rat is the tip of an iceberg. And it's no good the Tories promising a referendum on Europe in two year's time because all these immigrants will be entitled to the vote, and when they are over here, they are not going to vote against their own meal ticket are they?"
He concluded: "What is poor George McCartney going to do now? He is a model professional and an international footballer. Why are we allowing this Romanian Rat to come over here and take George's job? It's an outrage!"
A source close to Farage raged: "This is a disgrace and proves what we have been saying all along. Our research shows that every man, woman and child in Romania and Bulgaria have already booked their flights on Wizz, Tarom & Blue Air and will be signing on in a Benefit Office near you by the end of January 2014; and we all know that rats abandon sinking ships."
He continued: "Tell me, what are the disease carrying rodents going to live on when all the humans have left? It doesn't take a genius to work out that they will be following their meal tickets to the UK and living off our benefit system too does it?"
"This Romanian Rat is the tip of an iceberg. And it's no good the Tories promising a referendum on Europe in two year's time because all these immigrants will be entitled to the vote, and when they are over here, they are not going to vote against their own meal ticket are they?"
He concluded: "What is poor George McCartney going to do now? He is a model professional and an international footballer. Why are we allowing this Romanian Rat to come over here and take George's job? It's an outrage!"
Monday, 20 May 2013
Creamed Rice Beyond Sell By Date To Sign For West Ham?
Will we never learn? How many clapped out has beens looking for a soft landing into retirement have we signed? This season alone, we have taken on Diarra and Joe Cole. Now, we are being linked with Ambrosia Creamed Rice, a very good player in his day, but a player who has never been tempted to the Premier League...until now.
So why the sudden enthusiasm for a stint in England? Well no other team is going to meet his wage demands!
Meanwhile, the Romanian invasion is about to begin, just as UKIP predicted, with the arrival of Roland Rat.
So why the sudden enthusiasm for a stint in England? Well no other team is going to meet his wage demands!
Meanwhile, the Romanian invasion is about to begin, just as UKIP predicted, with the arrival of Roland Rat.
Sunday, 19 May 2013
Nolan brings back memories of September 2005!
I may be wrong, but I think you have to go back to September 2005 for the last time a player in a West Ham shirt scored a hat-trick.
The opposition were Villa, and the hero that day was none other than Marlon Harewood. We won that one 4-0 and before we get carried away by tenth place with 46 points under Allardyce, it might be sensible to remember that we ended 2005-06 by taking Liverpool to penalties in the best Cup Final ever and finished ninth in the table on 55 points.
And we all know what happened the following season, don't we?
The opposition were Villa, and the hero that day was none other than Marlon Harewood. We won that one 4-0 and before we get carried away by tenth place with 46 points under Allardyce, it might be sensible to remember that we ended 2005-06 by taking Liverpool to penalties in the best Cup Final ever and finished ninth in the table on 55 points.
And we all know what happened the following season, don't we?
West Ham 4 Reading 2 - What a difference a year makes!
Twelve months ago, Reading stormed into Upton Park and took us apart. We were shocking, they were brilliant, and we were consigned to the play offs - a miracle combination of results apart - as Reading chased down the title.
Twelve months on, and Reading arrived with Adkins in charge instead of McDermott and already down. But for 15 minutes at the start of the game they looked the better side, and for the first 20 minutes of the second half, it was like a replay of last season. 2-0 became 2-2 in the blink of an eye and until Noble released Nolan with a brilliant pass, setting up an equally brilliant finish, there was only going to be one winner - and it wasn't West Ham!
But with the arrival of Collison in place of Cole, order returned. The Noble pass for Nolan was, as I said, brilliant and Nolan's control and finish were sublime. Then Maiga came alive! For the first time since October he crossed the ball onto the head of a West Ham player, and Captain Kev did the rest. 4-2. Job done. Game over. Tenth place secured. And poor McCarthy's reputation was in tatters despite a brilliant save from Nolan in the first half. Today showed why you don't want a kid in goal!
The victory was pleasing but flagged up all sorts of concerns for next season. If Carroll doesn't stay, we have problems. Defensively, we struggled when Le Fondre arrived, begging the questions why the hell he doesn't start games for Reading and how the hell we will cope against quality strikers next season. Vaz Te was in and out, but mostly out. Cole looked old and on the wane. Jarvis didn't start. Jussi is getting very old.
There's lots of work to be done!
Player Ratings: Jussi 6; Demel 6, Collins 6, Reid 6, O'Brien 5; Noble 6, Diame 6; Vaz Te 6, Nolan 8, Cole 5; Carroll 8 Subs: Collison 6, Maiga 6, Taylor (Came on!)
Twelve months on, and Reading arrived with Adkins in charge instead of McDermott and already down. But for 15 minutes at the start of the game they looked the better side, and for the first 20 minutes of the second half, it was like a replay of last season. 2-0 became 2-2 in the blink of an eye and until Noble released Nolan with a brilliant pass, setting up an equally brilliant finish, there was only going to be one winner - and it wasn't West Ham!
But with the arrival of Collison in place of Cole, order returned. The Noble pass for Nolan was, as I said, brilliant and Nolan's control and finish were sublime. Then Maiga came alive! For the first time since October he crossed the ball onto the head of a West Ham player, and Captain Kev did the rest. 4-2. Job done. Game over. Tenth place secured. And poor McCarthy's reputation was in tatters despite a brilliant save from Nolan in the first half. Today showed why you don't want a kid in goal!
The victory was pleasing but flagged up all sorts of concerns for next season. If Carroll doesn't stay, we have problems. Defensively, we struggled when Le Fondre arrived, begging the questions why the hell he doesn't start games for Reading and how the hell we will cope against quality strikers next season. Vaz Te was in and out, but mostly out. Cole looked old and on the wane. Jarvis didn't start. Jussi is getting very old.
There's lots of work to be done!
Player Ratings: Jussi 6; Demel 6, Collins 6, Reid 6, O'Brien 5; Noble 6, Diame 6; Vaz Te 6, Nolan 8, Cole 5; Carroll 8 Subs: Collison 6, Maiga 6, Taylor (Came on!)
Half TimeWest Ham 2 Reading 0 - Carroll the Giant dominates Reading's Lilliputians
Well, considering our dire record against Reading, that first 45 was pretty damned impressive. Yes Reading might have scored in our typically dodgy opening 15 minutes, but for the last 20 minutes, we have utterly dominated and it could be 4-0.
McCarthy has pulled off a brilliant save from Nolan, after a superb header back from Carroll, but was dreadfully at fault for our first. Credit to Carroll for charging down the keeper's attempted clearance and to Nolan for his calm finish, but Reading are like suicide bombers every time they have the ball in and around their own penalty box. The Met will shoot them if they try to get on the Underground after the game!
Vaz Te's goal was finished well, and followed more excellent work from Carroll who controlled a deep cross from Diame and set up RVT superbly.
Vaz Te has also hit the post, Diame has forced a save from McCarthy and Cole has sliced two chances wide. We're looking good for 10th at the moment!
McCarthy has pulled off a brilliant save from Nolan, after a superb header back from Carroll, but was dreadfully at fault for our first. Credit to Carroll for charging down the keeper's attempted clearance and to Nolan for his calm finish, but Reading are like suicide bombers every time they have the ball in and around their own penalty box. The Met will shoot them if they try to get on the Underground after the game!
Vaz Te's goal was finished well, and followed more excellent work from Carroll who controlled a deep cross from Diame and set up RVT superbly.
Vaz Te has also hit the post, Diame has forced a save from McCarthy and Cole has sliced two chances wide. We're looking good for 10th at the moment!
Saturday, 18 May 2013
On loan star in shock exit from West Ham
Oh my God. Fans the length and breadth of Green Street and the Barking Road were shaking their heads in bewilderment and dismay today after manager Sam Allardyce revealed that top transfer target Emanuel Pogatetz will not be at the club next season.
After a string of startling performances in a West Ham shirt, Pogatetz will unquestionably be missed. Indeed, some fans were planning a campaign to get the number 6 shirt reinstated in recognition of the brilliance of the most influential Austrian since Hitler.
Quite how Allardyce proposes filling the void left by Pogatetz remains to be seen. However, my 83 year old Mum would perhaps be the closest to a like for like replacement!
After a string of startling performances in a West Ham shirt, Pogatetz will unquestionably be missed. Indeed, some fans were planning a campaign to get the number 6 shirt reinstated in recognition of the brilliance of the most influential Austrian since Hitler.
Quite how Allardyce proposes filling the void left by Pogatetz remains to be seen. However, my 83 year old Mum would perhaps be the closest to a like for like replacement!
Friday, 17 May 2013
England call up proves Carroll can achieve his ambitions at West Ham but...
In one sense, Carroll's call up by Woy is good news because it proves that he can achieve his ambitions at West Ham.
However, the timing is unfortunate. If he is picked, and plays a starring role, other clubs may suddenly look to sign him and his price may be jacked up to a level that we cannot afford.
Meanwhile, Carroll may think he is worth every penny of his 100k per week wages and refuse to negotiate a more realistic contract.
Will he be with us next season? We need to sort it out quickly because we don't want to go into August with only Maiga and Carlton as options!
However, the timing is unfortunate. If he is picked, and plays a starring role, other clubs may suddenly look to sign him and his price may be jacked up to a level that we cannot afford.
Meanwhile, Carroll may think he is worth every penny of his 100k per week wages and refuse to negotiate a more realistic contract.
Will he be with us next season? We need to sort it out quickly because we don't want to go into August with only Maiga and Carlton as options!
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